Some days it hits me hard and I look around for something to tell me this is not real only to find the cold hard truth in the reality. My mom died.
It has been five years since her death but some days it feels every bit as painful as the first day I woke up and knew that life as I knew it had just changed in a way that I was not ready for.
I am pretty sure that there is nothing in this world that can prepare a person for the death of a parent. Whether young or old the heart shattering, life altering departure of one of the two most important people in you life is something that you cannot brace yourself for.
My mom was my friend. When I was a child my mom was a loving disciplinarian, teacher, guide and a true example of a successful woman. As is true with most kids, I did not always appreciate the fact that she could see right through me and call me out on things that I was sure I had a good reason to do, or that I thought I could get away with. I think we are not meant to truly appreciate our parents until we get to the point in our own lives where we are mature enough to see that their wisdom is beyond measure, all the things we thought were just parents being protective or controlling were actually done out of love, an intense love that we had no way to understand…. Until we did.
As I got older and had children of my own I began to understand what my mom was trying to teach me in ways that sometimes hit me pretty hard. Throughout my adulthood my mom was my rock. Whether I was struggling with a child issue, marriage issue, friend issue, work issue or spiritual issue, she was always there to talk me through and give me guidance. I didn’t always take her advice but I certainly learned a lot from it. She was my friend and a woman I, even still, look up to and admire.