Am I getting old or have I just finally learned to fully appreciate the things in life that have meaning beyond the moment? We are approaching the completion of another year and as is the case for so many, today I am reflecting on the past 365 days and wondering what I could have done differently,, how I could have lived a little better and most of all reflecting on the multitude of treasures I have tucked away in the special places of my heart . Treasures made of memories. Memories made up of moments that will never be relived but that will live on in my heart. Treasures that are shaping me into the woman I have been created to be.
This past year was not all smooth sailing. In fact there are moments from this past year that bring pangs of pain and regret but putting those moments into perspective has helped me to look beyond those pains and see the beauty of the results.
Family. It is so easy to take the gift of family for granted and not see the treasures standing right there in front of you. Our immediate family is very large, add to it the extended family and it is huge! In 2014 within our immediate family we had two close calls that opened my eyes to just how fragile and fleeting our moments here together can be. In this world we live in we are constantly connected or can be constantly connected, yet sometimes we choose to allow days and weeks and months to pass with barely a thought. At some point mid-way through spring the realization that this physical distance we have between us combined with the electronic closeness gives the illusion of connection that is not always true. Do my nieces and nephews know just how proud I am of them? Do my brothers and sisters know the depth of love and appreciation I have for them? Do my siblings spouses understand just how thankful I am that they are there loving and giving of themselves without complaint? Does my dad know just how much I value every conversation and every nugget of wisdom he shares? 2014 was a year of growing closer to family and opening communication where before there was only surface connection.
Love. Love is not something that is waiting around the corner ready to jump out at you when you are least expecting it. Love is not some mushy gooshy feeling you get for the cute boy down the street or the shy barista at starbucks. Your heart is waiting for you to allow it to love. Your mind is waiting for you to choose love, your being is craving the decision to love and be loved in return. I have been so afraid of love and the vulnerability that comes with the choice to love. And for too long I have left the important pieces of my being locked in a box of fear. In 2014 I loved. In 2014 I spoke freely to those who I love and shared my love for them, my thoughts about them and my appreciation of them. I poured out recognition of the role each of the important people in my life have played in helping me to get free from the broken hurting prison I had locked myself into for so long. I spoke of love and I allowed myself to choose love for each one of the special people who have helped to create the treasures I call memories. 2014 for me, was the year of philia love.
So what is 2015 going to look like? What am I going to do differently? I am not one for new years resolutions. I never keep them anyway so I don’t even bother. 2015 will be another chapter in a book that is turning out to be the best book imaginable!