The Haze in My Future

I wouldn’t say I live life in the moment as a general rule. I live life for the future but appreciate the moments when they come.  Sometimes when I look at the big picture and focus too much on all of that, I get overwhelmed so I focus in on something I can do in the moment that will either, relieve stress, be a blessing to someone, or refocus my energy.

This is a good thing overall, I believe, but not in all situations.

I am a thinker and an overanalyzer. I don’t over analyze others, I overanalyze myself and in doing so often I just muddy the water of my own thoughts and forget to consider the input of others.

Today I am discouraged and I want to retreat. This is one of the downsides of living in the moment. When the moments hurt, they hurt to the depths of my soul.  The part of me that has rested on the big picture and the hope of the future is also in disarray. I see a haze in front of me where there used to be love. For so long I was so sure of my path, then it changed and I adjusted, after becoming sure again, the path disappeared, and now I am stuck in a cycle of cry-pray-cry-pray-hope-pray-cry and my heart is crushed.  I know God is growing me and I know that these changes are for the better, I know when all is said and done I will be who I am meant to be and I won’t be stuck in this ‘right now’ anymore.  The Lord has my life in His perfect plan.

But I can’t stop hoping that the fog will clear and I will find again the love I treasure.

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