I can see it, it is right over there. Sometimes it is almost out of sight, but I can still see it. Sometimes it is right in front of me begging me to look inside. I can’t look, I can’t let my gaze drop. I know what is in that hole. I know the emptiness that I will find if I allow myself to gaze into its depths. I try to cover it over with leaves and sticks but it is there, mocking me, threatening me, and coaxing me ever closer.
Some days I skirt the edges because I have to keep moving… and my foot slips… and for a moment I teeter on the brink of falling. But I catch myself. I stop myself from tumbling into that emptiness and I refuse to allow the hurt. There is pain in that spot, an emptiness that can never be filled.
For now I can avoid looking into its depths. For now I must continue to look straight ahead and not allow myself to stumble. It will catch me, this I know. But for now I will throw a tarp over the emptiness and pretend that he isn’t gone.