My Defeat is Jesus’ Victory

I read an article this morning in which one sentence caught my attention. You don’t have to be a victim of your failures, shortcomings, or circumstances. Every obstacle, every failure, every defect, every unmet need is a chance for Jesus to move on your behalf to prove Himself in your life, and bring Him  glory.

Going through therapy these past months has brought up a great deal of pain. Some of the pain is because of the need to revisit many of the situations, moments, and circumstances of my past. Some of the pain brought with it real feelings of being trapped in that abusive relationship again, and rather than recognize that it was only a momentary discomfort. I let those feelings take root.

Living in a world with a physically, mentally, spiritually, and sexually abusive mate makes every moment magnified. Every thought has to be carefully analyzed before speaking, every action orchestrated just so, and every hope set aside because if it is voiced it will be squashed. Oh how many hopes and dreams I had that were mocked and ridiculed. Day after day I became less and less of a person and more and more of a shell.

I relived some of my previous life through therapy recently and found my mindset becoming again, a victim of my perceived failure. But this time I fought back. I fought back in a very pragmatic way, instead of turning it over to the Lord and leaning on those who love me, I found myself carefully analyzing my actions: what would make me feel in control. My thoughts: what will make me feel strong. My dreams: I will hold them close so I don’t lose them. I buckled down and started working toward my dreams. Not living toward my future but working in a very calculated planned out way. Except in doing so I left God and love out of the equation and that is not God’s plan.  I didn’t fail at marriage, my marriage failed. But I didn’t fail.  I know that God has created me to be a helpmate to one who will not take advantage of my submission. I know that He has put in me the heart of a woman after His heart, who knows and values the Biblical model for love and marriage.  I closed that off for a time, but over these past two years, I saw and felt glimpses of the joy in being a godly partner. No, I wasn’t able to fully live in that role, not yet, but I know that God has a godly partnership, two people together serving him, in my future. I will not fail at my future, I have given it to God and what is in God’s hands will never fail.

He is carrying me now, He is giving me strength when I am broken, and He has given me Hope for my future. My defeat is Jesus’ opportunity to bring victory. God is the God of the turn-around, the God of a new beginning.

This is my new beginning. This is me with both feet firmly on the path that He has set out for me. The path I was waiting to live but now can’t wait to experience. I praise Him as I run joyfully toward Him!


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