This week has been full of emotional ups and downs. This site is about healing and allowing time for healing old wounds. Some of our wounds are by our own doing, some of our wounds were caused by another’s actions but no matter the origin wounds take time to heal.
I have many wounds that needed healing and the time that was taken over the past years has been very good for me. My wounds have healed but I still have scars. My scars are a part of who I am regardless of whether or not I want them to be. Scars are ugly. I have yet to see a pretty scar. Scar’s carry with them memory of their cause. Have you ever tried to break up scar tissue from a physical scar? A physical therapist will sit and forcefully manipulate the tissue, breaking up the scar and allowing for regeneration of skin and muscle and enhance movement. It hurts. Sometimes the pain can be almost overwhelming depending on how long that scar has been a part of your body.
Emotional scars work in the same way, they hurt when you break them down and force new healing.
I finally started dating. Something that, if you have been following my writing I didn’t think I would want to do. I am not dating willy-nilly trying to find someone to share my life with. He is a wonderful man, someone who, even though there is a great deal of physical distance between us has given me the courage to try to trust. Hence the emotional ups and downs. The excitement in a new relationship is hard to compare. The newness of getting to know another person, hearing their stories, learning about the things they like and dislike. Presenting the best you and receiving the best them. Eventually the realities of life and day to day responsibilities enter the relationship and you begin to learn more about who the person is when the chips are down or when stress enters. Sometimes this is too much to bear for one or the other. But sometimes the intimacy of getting to know the real person draws the relationship closer. It takes work.
We are exploring the things that make us who we are now. We are working out the scars and it hurts. We both have them, we both have big scars that carry with them giant pain and it hurts to break them apart.
Is it difficult?
Is it painful?
Is it worth it?
I find myself at times wanting to shut down, close off and not share. I find myself cringing at the thought of sharing some of my stories. Opening up the wound and letting the emotional blood run freely. I don’t like to hurt. But today I hurt and it will be okay.