As I am continuing the study involving self reflection, the next question asks – What do you prefer?
This is a tough one. I mean there are a lot of things I prefer that don’t impact my day to day – or life in general.
Recognizing that I had to dig a little deeper I think I have found the answer to this question.
I prefer to be safe
We live in a relatively safe world. We have warning labels on ladders, on toys, I even saw a warning label on a baseball cap! We have safety ambassadors for companies, we have checks and balances, we have maintenance requirements on planes and trains. Bicycle helmets are required in many cities, and they must be certified safe. We are a safe society. What a different world from when I was a kid.
But that is not the kind of safety I am talking about. Most of my adult life I have been the one in charge, the bread-winner, the mom, the dad, the friend. I have been the repair person, the planner, and the doer. I have taken risks, and I have stepped aside. Life has been a non-stop flow of have-to-do’s. Sometimes I just want to stop and sit for a minute and cry. But there is no safety in weakness.
I have never felt safe being vulnerable or honestly expressing my emotions. I try to let down my guards and be a little vulnerable, I truly do, but it seems to backfire on me pretty frequently, which tells me it isn’t safe. So I prefer not to fully open up. I prefer to be safe.
Over the past few months I have focused on looking to the Lord for my safety, sometimes imagining His hand as a force field that will keep me from harm. I feel His protection in many different ways but most often as a form of peace and strength when I am confused or feeling hopeless and helpless.
I lift my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. the Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
As a woman I want to feel this safety in my relationship. I want to feel safe knowing that no matter what comes at us, we will work together to overcome according to God’s will.
I prefer to be safe.