Healing hurts. We have talked about this before but every so often I need to remind myself of this fact too because when that hurt hits it can be so intense it knocks me off my feet.
Have you ever had a great day, felt really good about the direction your life is going and been secure in your thoughts and feelings and then WHAM! All of a sudden out of nowhere something triggers intense emotions? Those emotions can be anger, hurt, fear, frustration, jealousy. Whatever they are in that moment damage can be done.
Anger. This is the emotion that scares me the most. Both in myself and in those I have put my trust in and been vulnerable with. Anger is so irrational.
That is not to say there isn’t a place for healthy anger, sometimes anger that is justified is necessary.
However, the kind of anger I am referring to is the anger that brings rage. When the light goes out and the darkness comes in and fills your thoughts with blinding rage. Anger scares me in myself because I usually have a very good handle on my extreme emotions, with the exception of sadness and hopelessness, but anger, especially when it brings with it rage, scares me.
When the rage hits someone else and there is nothing you can do about it… that scares me even more.
Where does rage come from? Sometimes it can come from the kind of all consuming pain that shuts down all senses, the kind of pain that doesn’t get dealt with because it hurts too much. Sometimes it comes from the reality of wrongs that someone, or many someone’s have done against you and sometimes it comes from an inability to cope. Whatever the reason when rage hits and does not bring destruction to the people and things around you, that is when you know that this rage is the beginning of healing. This can be the first step to recognizing the source of the anger and beginning to deal with the root of the pain.
Don’t give in to rage, don’t allow it to consume you and affect those around you and don’t let rage bring you to a point of destruction. Take hold of that extreme emotion and search for the root, from there you can begin to heal.