Relationships are hard. They bring uncertainty, joy, frustration, happiness, insecurity, security, hope and futility.
For someone who has a history of pain in relationships these low points can cause emotions to spring up that can be paralyzing. Sometimes those emotions are a very real reaction to a situation that hurts and sometimes they are a defense mechanism.
I have spent years trying to find value in myself again. Real value, not the fake temporary good feeling from making someone happy but a real recognition of my own worth as a person. And I found it. Eventually I stopped looking at myself through eyes clouded with lies and began to see the woman who God created to be a strong, independent, compassionate woman of worth.
But lately I have lost sight of my worth. I have found myself full of self loathing and disappointment and feelings of inadequacy and failure. I have begun to look at myself through the eyes of lies again and it has to stop. I cannot fall back into that pit again, I can’t lose sight of the truth and fall victim to the lies. I am far from perfect but I am also equally as far from worthless.
How do I find myself again? How do I rediscover the me that I actually like? How do I communicate my struggle without hurting the one I don’t want to hurt?
How do I free myself from these feelings of futility?