The devil has a way of sneaking up on you and whispering lies into your ear, causing you to doubt what you know to be true, and to question things that don’t have answers.
I started out strong today. I started my day sure of my direction. I woke up ready to let it all go and trust the Lord, give it all to Him. In fact, I even wrote something about waiting on the Lord’s timing. And then, it started as a stirring, a thought not fully formed, slowly it became a more nagging feeling, then the next thing I knew I was worrying about something that I know is not truth.
Right now I am consumed by my recent loss. By the severing of what I still feel was a God ordained relationship intended for marriage. Sure we had our struggles, all relationships do, but the distance and the reality that we are both trying to deal with, grow through, and heal from past trauma, I think was also a factor. We have put in a lot of work over the years, we both have. I look back at the person I was when we met and who I am today and there was a lot of growth. I can say the same for him as well.
He explained us as two broken vessels that together would become one. And we were healing together. And then we began trying to heal separately and I believe that was part of the problem. As I was dealing with the memories of the past, I shut down to protect myself from the painful feelings. Oh I loved him more deeply than I think ever, I just needed to protect myself from the memories. We also stopped praying together and I think that was also a big factor. I don’t know where he is in his healing journey, (problem number three) but I know neither of us were there. And rather than lean on each other we both retreated into ourselves.
So what are satan’s lies today? The fear that someone else will come in and distract him from continuing to heal, satan is whispering lies in my ear which in turn I found myself questioning his reasons for the breakup and wondering if there wasn’t something, or someone else. Satan’s lies.
I can’t change where I am today with my relationship. All I can do is allow God to work in my life and help me to remember that His way is best. I am His child and His plan is far greater than any I could fathom.