The Pain in the Wail

Emotions are sometimes hard to contain. Holding strong feelings inside is like a poison to the soul. It starts small, just a little hurt or frustration that we hide, then another, and another until the pressure overflows and decisions are made based on the emotions in the moment. Decisions that sometimes can’t be taken back, decisions that cause hurt or harm.

Pain is a very real emotion. Emotional pain can leave a person feeling helpless and lost. Emotional pain is often sudden at it’s onset. Something happens to shock the system, then it feels like it’s subsiding but all the while it can be quietly building until the pressure is too much and without warning it shatters the boundaries and escapes in the form of a wail.

I wailed today. There have been a few times in my life that I found myself truly wailing. Three in fact.  Today it hit me without warning. One moment I was walking down my hallway toward my bedroom and the next moment I did not even have the strength to stand. And I wailed.

One day at a time. We hear that so often that it has become, to me, cliché. What does that even mean? Let go and let God, another one that sounds so good, and sounds so easy to do, but it’s not.

I hurt. My heart hurts, my stomach hurts, my head hurts, my entire being hurts. Just when I think I have a handle on my emotions a thought pops in and throws me back onto the floor in tears.

I wailed, and I don’t feel any better.


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