The End of I Will

I DO. This tiny sentence carries with it a lifetime of promise, a commitment, and a giving of self that is unlike any other we can offer another person.

YES, I WILL! A slightly longer sentence but those three words bring with them a lifetime of promise, a commitment to another person, and a giving of self, with the intent of saying I DO.

So what happens when “I Will” turns to I won’t? What happened to the commitment? What happened to the promise? What happened to the hopes and dream for a future? I DO is simply the legally binding requirement after, Yes, I Will.

Engagement is not just the next step in a relationship. Engagement is the first step of a lifetime promise. The ending of an engagement, though not as messy as the ending of a marriage legally, is every bit as messy emotionally. There are feelings of uncertainty, helplessness, pain, and failure. The future that began in full when he dropped to his knee, has been shattered, and both parties are left with damaged and broken hearts.

Yesterday, the promise of a future for my life was shattered. Not in an angry, hateful way, but in a painful, heart wrenching, and loving severing of hope. My heart hurts, both literally, and emotionally. The ending of what should have been the most beautiful story ever told, has left two broken vessels, weakened and heartsick.

I wish I had comforting words of wisdom, I wish I could write something inspired that would redirect my thinking to all of my blessings. But right now, I hurt, and I just want to hurt for a little while.

I will be strong again tomorrow.


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