The Red Plate of Tradition

Goodbye May. May was a weird month. Actually, this whole year has been a unique year and I for one am happy that we are in the sixth month already. I remember when I was young  and spent the first five months of the year waiting anxiously for June to arrive. Not just because June meant […]

Growth in Change

In many cases change can be scary, it is the unknown, the uncharted territory that becomes a sea of unanswered questions that makes it so intimidating. What now? How will I get through this? What is the purpose for the change? So many questions that can be seen as both negative and positive. But change […]

It Really is All About the Journey

Traveling mercies. I remember the first time I heard that term and wondered about it. We were preparing for a long trip to visit family over Christmas, and we had some folks over for dinner the night before we left. Before we began our meal, the man prayed and asked for travelling mercies for us. […]

The Calm in the Quiet

Slow down! People say that all the time, and frankly it isn’t always possible. Or it seems that way, we are so overwhelmed with responsibilities, work, living, surviving, that even taking an hour to stop and recharge seems to send a ripple that affects everything on the “to do” list.  Stopping seems to rarely be […]

God’s View is Much Better

In all situations we can trust that God has the higher vision, He knows where we are going and what steps we will take to get there. He knows where we will succeed, and He knows where we will stumble. His understanding is much deeper than we can ever fathom and His transformative purpose is […]

The Wily Snake

Satan is a wily snake who will take every opportunity to bring strife into situations in order to try to thwart what God has already set in motion. As human’s we can’t always see the ways he needles his way in and starts whispering lies that are meant to bring destruction. Believing the first lie […]

Are you Content?

What is contentment? What does it mean to you? In this media heavy – keeping up with the Jones’ society we live in it is hard to find someone who is a true example of contentment. For the purpose of this post I googled the word contentment and came up with all sorts of definitions […]

Can You Hear Me Now?

Do you remember when telephones were connected to a wall? Do you remember even further back to party lines and switchboards? We have come a long way with our ability to communicate with each other, between telephones, email, text messages, cell phones, even video phones there are multiple ways to connect with those we want […]

Do You Know What He Expects?

I haven’t written in a few days. I have tried, I’ve sat down and put my fingers on the keyboard and willed them to move, but nothing happened.  It isn’t that I haven’t had anything to write about, God has continued to do a good work in me and has continued to work on my […]

Perfect Love

Love. We think we know what love is because everywhere we look we are bombarded with the world’s version of love. A love that is unrealistic and often selfish. Little girls grow up thinking that they will be whisked away by a charming prince, and often that is exactly what happens. Someone with a charming […]

Repentance Isn’t Always About Specific Sin.

God uses life’s circumstances to draw us closer to Him. Sometimes He uses convicting us of specific sin to draw us back, and sometimes He helps us to see that we are living a lifestyle that is contrary to the Christian life. I think the latter is the harder one to swallow. We all have […]

Have You Ever Read Titus?

I was reading in Titus today. Titus is not a book that is often referenced and after reading it today, I don’t know why. I know at some point in my life I must have read the whole book, but it is one of those that seems to get lost in the other 66. Perhaps […]

No More Ordinary

I had a pretty good childhood. Full of adventure, love, acceptance, and instruction in the Lord. My dad was a pastor and we moved a lot. I think this is why we all, (my brothers and sisters and I) are pretty close as adults. We relied on each other for friendships with each move, until […]

What Will They Remember?

I was thinking about what will happen when I die. Not wondering where I will go or anything like that. I know I am a child of God and will join my parents in heaven. But I was thinking about what will happen here on earth. So many things seem so important. Meetings, appointments, bills, […]

Beautiful Fruit

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. Have you ever joyfully picked up an apple, shined it, looked it over to find the perfect starting point and the moment you chomped down been greeted by a foul and rotten taste? The apple looked so good from the outside, deep red shiny perfect […]

The Husband In My Future

Recently my friend asked me what I thought about spending time praying for each other’s future spouses. We talked about writing a list of characteristics, qualities, areas of concern, protection etc. and sharing those lists with each other so we could be each be lifting up the future to the Lord. I have spent a […]

I Am Ready

This morning I heard a song on my way in to the office that was delivered again with perfect timing. God has a way of doing that lately.  He has been my rock and my peace all my life but I have been receiving it so much more actively these past weeks. So, back to […]

It Can’t Be Undone

Have you ever read Pilgrim’s Progress? If you haven’t read it I would highly recommend picking up a copy and experiencing the journey young Pilgrim takes as he navigates through life. I bring up this book to talk about a specific point in the book, how Pilgrim found an easier way through the tough stuff […]

A Warning In the Reveal

When your prayer every day is that God reveal something new, He is faithful to do just exactly that. This is what I have been asking over the last weeks. I want to see the areas I need to improve, I want to see the misguided thought processes, and acts of rebellion for what they […]

Oceans

Today I had intended to write a response to the last piece in the question. “What is your experience with yourself, life, and God in this moment?” However, my experience with God in this moment is not something I can eloquently put into words and I believe He is talking to me on a personal […]

No Longer Adrift

What is your experience of yourself, life, and God at this moment? This was the question that I encountered yesterday and have been reflecting on over the past 24 hours. Yesterday I touched on self, today I am going to explore the question of, what is my experience of life at this moment. We live […]

What is Your Experience of Yourself at This Moment?

What is your experience of yourself, life, and God at this moment? Doing devotions this morning this statement jumped out at me, and I want to explore it. What a powerful revealing this will be, I want to reflect on each aspect of the question and know it’s answer. I think it is arranged this […]

When My Knees Hit the Ground

Today has been another weird day. My Scripture reading this morning and the study that compliments the passages was again very poignant but I can’t seem to get my thoughts in order to write. Maybe I am not supposed to be adding to the blog today, maybe my thoughts are in disarray for a purpose. […]

We Followed the Moose Hair

Have you ever gone hiking in an unfamiliar area? I enjoy hiking, I enjoy being out in the woods, smelling the smells of nature, listening to the creatures as they scurry away from my approach. I enjoy the exercise and I enjoy the adventure. Hiking is one of my preferred pass times. Growing up in […]

Five Minute Warning

Sometimes I procrastinate. Sometimes I don’t do the things I should do when I should do them, and I do the things that don’t need to be done when I should be doing what should be done.  This is okay in the day to day sometimes, because unless there is an urgent need, most things […]

A Barrier Against The World

Have you ever really looked at the life of Solomon? He is praised as the wisest of kings but he, like all of us was severely flawed and made many mistakes.  So why does the Bible talk about the wisdom of Solomon? Apart from Jesus, there has never been a perfect man or woman throughout […]

Sunday is a Comin

Friday’s here but Sunday’s a comin! This is a phrase I have heard all my life and until I took a moment to fully reflect on what this statement is saying I didn’t truly have an appreciation for what it is all about. Christ DIED for my sins. He died for me! He stood and […]

I Want to be a Light

God speaks directly to the soul – the Soul is who you are in His presence. It is far too easy to fall into patterns of negativity, discouragement, prideful living, and good enough Christianity.  It is very easy to muddle through each day and watch the world slip on by. I was waiting to live. […]

Why Am I Angry?

I am having a hard time writing today. It has been a weird day, I feel like I am on a roller coaster of emotions. One minute I was singing praises and the next I was filled with anger, then back to praise, then indifferent, only to go through the whole cycle again. No purpose […]

Let Your Heart Sing Loudly

Bless the Lord oh my soul..ohhhh my soul…Worship His Holy name.. Sing like never before, oh my soul. I worship Your Holy name. Oh I worship Your Holy name. This has been my heart song these past days, even in my sleep last night. What a difference in attitude, in outlook, and in hope when […]

Because He Loves Me

I couldn’t sleep last night. I lay awake for hours distracted by thoughts and ideas, regrets and conviction, and hopes and dreams. I won’t describe all the different thoughts because we just don’t have the time, but with each reflection I found myself looking to the Lord for direction in a new way. I have been […]

My Defeat is Jesus’ Victory

I read an article this morning in which one sentence caught my attention. You don’t have to be a victim of your failures, shortcomings, or circumstances. Every obstacle, every failure, every defect, every unmet need is a chance for Jesus to move on your behalf to prove Himself in your life, and bring Him  glory. […]

Craving Growth

God is Good. His plan is for our good and never our harm. Every joyful moment, every painful moment, every mistake and every success are all part of His greater plan to make us more like Jesus. Hurting is not fun. But just as a child has growing pains, our emotional pain is an instrument […]

Whispered Lies

The devil has a way of sneaking up on you and whispering lies into your ear, causing you to doubt what you know to be true, and to question things that don’t have answers. I started out strong today. I started my day sure of my direction. I woke up ready to let it all […]

Pain in the Distance

We live in a world where it can take less than six hours to go from one coast to the next in the United States. We live in a disconnected world with family and loved ones spread between states or even continents. Distance takes its toll on relationships. Relationships that are otherwise healthy and strong, […]

The Weakness in Strength

I struggle to ask for help. Not the kind of help necessary to move a piece of furniture, but real help. The kind that meets a need. Think about years past, neighborhoods full of close friends helping each other out, meeting for chats on the porch, sipping iced tea as the kids grew up together […]

The Haze in My Future

I wouldn’t say I live life in the moment as a general rule. I live life for the future but appreciate the moments when they come.  Sometimes when I look at the big picture and focus too much on all of that, I get overwhelmed so I focus in on something I can do in […]

It’s His Story

Today I read something somewhat similar to this: [Our lives are part of a larger story. Everything we do, every experience, and everything that happens advances the plot. Try as we might, it is not our story to write. Our author is the Lord and He has the whole story-line laid out, our job is […]

I Stopped Praying

  As I have been going through this journey of refocusing my life on the Lord and what my responsibilities are as a child of the Most High I have been seeking understanding. Sunday, while speaking with a new friend she asked me what my prayer life was like. My first response was to tell […]

Hope in the Pain

Last night my dreams were filled with sadness, hopelessness, and regret. I saw what I would become if I let go of hope. What is Hope? It is many things to many people, and like so many things, it is different in different times in our lives. As children, we hope for the shiny new […]

Light and Momentary Troubles

“I have promised to meet all your needs according to my glorious riches. Your deepest most constant need is for my peace. I have planted peace in the garden of your heart where I live but there are weeds growing there too. Pride, worry, selfishness, unbelief. I am the Gardener and I am working to […]

Broken at His Feet

“There are intractable obstacles I must overcome to make you holy. Shattered dreams that bring so much pain into your life that it’s difficult to welcome the opportunity they provide for new levels of trust.” Wow, God is amazing. He has given us everything we need to understand Him and who we are in Him. […]

Slippery Slope of Compromise

I’ve often talked of the slippery slope. How one compromise leads to another, and then another, until you have fully lost sight of who you are and what is right and good. Man I slipped. No, I didn’t reach bottom – praise the Lord for that – but I slipped. I didn’t see it happening […]

Joy in the Journey

God has given us a great capacity to love. He has given us many opportunities for blessing and for growth. He gives us those opportunities and brings us what we need to fulfill these pieces of our life, it is up to us to grab hold and grow. So what do you do when you finally […]

When Focus Fails

There are two sides to every story. Two sides to every pain and two sides to every disappointment. I am where I am because I put me here. I took for granted that the love was going to be there when I was finished dealing with what I was dealing with. I was trying to […]

I Write to Strangers

I don’t like to cry or show weakness to the people who know me. I don’t like to feel vulnerable. Very few people have truly seen my heartache. I write to strangers. I share my story with people who I don’t know because in doing this I can be weak and cry. I can sort […]

I Called Him My Forever

Loss. This seems to be the theme in my world these past fifteen months. I think it broke me.  Not in a crippling, can’t go on, life is awful sort of way, but in a hope is gone and the desire to love is fading. Most relationships end because somebody did the other wrong or […]

Temporary Feelings

I have been traveling down a road of recovery for the past few months now. Well actually it has been for the past few years but more aggressively and with purpose over the past few months. Recovery is a tricky thing. The intention is to move forward and heal, but the reality of confronting the […]

The Pain in the Wail

Emotions are sometimes hard to contain. Holding strong feelings inside is like a poison to the soul. It starts small, just a little hurt or frustration that we hide, then another, and another until the pressure overflows and decisions are made based on the emotions in the moment. Decisions that sometimes can’t be taken back, […]

He is My Forever

Have you ever loved anyone so deeply that just thinking about them sends waves of butterflies through you.  Have you ever been so comfortable and confident in the love of your mate that you can calmly rest in his presence even when he is far away. I have found the love of my lifetime. My […]

I Am Not a Failure

I am not a failure. What a great thing to be able to say. It may sound a little strange to some, but to me, finally being able to acknowledge that I am not a failure, that I am not a worthless piece of excrement, that I am not an unworthy loser, is a big […]

Healing Brings Rage

Healing hurts. We have talked about this before but every so often I need to remind myself of this fact too because when that hurt hits it can be so intense it knocks me off my feet. Have you ever had a great day, felt really good about the direction your life is going and […]

I was a Victim

I was a victim. This is probably one of the hardest sentences I have written in a very long time, perhaps ever. This has been a very difficult month. I have begun to deal with the reality of my past hell. I have begun to look at the situation and the day to day interactions […]

You Get One

You get one. One life. One brief moment in time. You get one. I am not sure if I am unhappy or if I am just overworked or if it is something deeper. I don’t want to cry. Realistically I spend more time forcing myself not to cry than I do laughing anymore. It is […]

A Gift I will Treasure

For my entire life on this day I have recognized in one way or another the birth of my dad. I chuckle when I think of how excited he was with each and every goofy handmade gift. With every tie, every pair of gloves, and as I got older with every new electronic gadget he […]

I Don’t Want To Go

I recognize that I need to go, but I don’t want to go. I have asked myself repeatedly what I am so worried about and I don’t have a solid answer for that question. I know I have nothing to be afraid of with the session itself, but it is more about what if it […]

What is Freedom?

Freedom is a word that has so many different meanings for so many different people.  We live in a free country and we have rights and opportunities that many around the world don’t experience. But what is freedom? To some, freedom is the ability to do what needs to be done, when they want to […]

The Loss in My Ocean

This weekend is Thanksgiving weekend in Canada. (Yes, I am American but I spent my formative years in Canada so my heart is also Canadian.) Today I woke up with a reflective mindset and found myself thinking about thankfulness, and what that looks like. Sometimes it looks pretty obvious, sometimes you can look around and […]

Leaving Pieces of Me Behind

I am broken inside. Holding it together is becoming more and more difficult as the realization of my new reality becomes clear. I am alone. My love was not enough. Would it have ever been enough? I think about myself and why I am alone, I think about the person I am and I feel […]

Domestic Violence Awareness

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Do you have any idea how many people are completely unaware that this is the case? Breast Cancer Awareness, though also very important, gets all the attention while men and women who are battling every day with a very different fear and pain are forgotten. Domestic violence is not […]

Beauty In The Loneliness

Looking out of the airplane window I find myself lost in the beauty as, for a moment, I find peace in my loneliness. There is a quiet sadness within me that has crept its way to the surface as I look out at the landscape beneath me, acre after acre of beautiful nature, beautiful rocks, […]

He Took It Back

One year ago today he asked me to marry him. One year ago, he got down on his knee and said he wanted the promise of a lifetime together with me. I said yes. One year ago he made my heart soar. Three weeks ago today he told me he no longer wanted that promise. […]

Closing Off Hope

I can feel it happening inside me. It started out disguised as sadness and hopelessness, but now I can feel the shutdown. I can feel my heart closing in on itself and the protective layers strengthening. It took so long to open my heart and my hopes and now even with a hope, I am […]

Unexpected Triggers

Does anyone truly understand the impact that emotional triggers have on the lives of those who have experienced trauma? I think often we look at what we have learned to categorize as ‘triggers’ and we do whatever we can to hide from them. Perhaps this is the wrong approach. Perhaps what we really need to […]

It’s His Story and I’m Sticking To It

Today I read something somewhat similar to this: [Our lives are part of a larger story. Everything we do, every experience, and everything that happens advances the plot. Try as we might, it is not our story to write. Our author is the Lord and He has the whole story-line laid out, our job is […]

I Woke Up Alone

All I could think about as I lay in the hospital bed waiting for them to take me back into the procedure room, was how much had changed since my last procedure, just one short month ago. On that day, I had the man who I believed would be by my side for better or […]

The End of I Will

I DO. This tiny sentence carries with it a lifetime of promise, a commitment, and a giving of self that is unlike any other we can offer another person. YES, I WILL! A slightly longer sentence but those three words bring with them a lifetime of promise, a commitment to another person, and a giving of self, […]

Pain of Loss

We have all experienced loss. Whether it be the loss of a pet, the loss of a friend, the loss of a relationship, loved one, sibling, or parent. Just to name a few. We have all at some point in our lives – or we will all, at some point in our lives experience loss. […]

Pain of Living

“Without hope, faith yields to doubt and cynicism, and love suffocates in the pain of living.” I received an email today from a dear friend, and included in this email was that statement.  I know that the Lord reaches out to us with what we need when we are seeking to hear His voice, and this […]

Two Empty Chairs

I vividly remember the moment that my mom sat down and told us that she had been diagnosed with brain tumors. I distinctly recall the myriad of emotions and thoughts that struck me in that moment. Denial not the least of these. Even though I had time to process the reality that mom was leaving […]

Pain in the Pulse

Today when I was doing my devotions (which in all honestly yesterday I started doing them again after too many years away) Anyway, today’s was on Psalm 74:1-9 which is a call from David to God because he felt that God had turned his back. As I was reading it I started thinking about all […]

Success has nothing to do with Money

It has been a while since I have written anything encouraging. I realized this morning as I sat reviewing the most recent writings that I am using this space for the hurt again and not the joy. I wanted to turn a new leaf and it seems that the leaf has found its way face […]

The Headstone Arrived

I miss you Dad. I still can see the look in your eyes The day you slipped away. You knew, but I wasn’t ready. There was nothing you could say. I lost a piece of my heart that day A part of me died too It hurts, I wasn’t ready Oh how I still need […]

A Lonely Mothers Day

2010 was the last year my mom was with us for Mother’s day. The memories of that day are both very good and very sad. We had gone to John’s Hopkins Hospital to visit her, I still remember the joy on her face when the kids and I walked in her room and said Happy […]

Another Broken Dream to Come

I remember the mornings once so silent and hopeful, the book of my life full of promise. I’ll probably never have it all figured out… still the pages continue to turn and the chapters are ending one after the next.. and I wait for a promise that is but another broken dream to come.

The Empty Hole

I can see it, it is right over there. Sometimes it is almost out of sight, but I can still see it. Sometimes it is right in front of me begging me to look inside. I can’t look, I can’t let my gaze drop. I know what is in that hole. I know the emptiness that I will […]

You Are Great

I have spent much of this night looking at photographs and reliving wonderful and precious moments that make up my life as the daughter of the wonderful man who is my dad. A more committed man you will not find. His love for the Lord and family was evident in everything he did. My head […]

A Terrible Fact

It has been a long time since I have logged in here and posted anything. My dad died. I am not ready to deal with that yet.

No New Years Resolutions

I don’t make new years resolutions. I don’t know that I ever have. Not because I am afraid I won’t keep them or because I am holding out against a tradition, but because I have learned that it isn’t about starting a year out and deciding to be a better friend, better mate, better mom, […]

Nothing is Wasted

I came across this yesterday and have been reflecting on what it says and how it can apply to my life. God never wastes an experience “In all things God works for the good of those who love him.” Ro 8:28 NIV No experience is ever wasted if you use it wisely. God can use what […]

The Closed Door

One year ago today I closed the door on a past that had haunted me for far too long. I still remember that day vividly and actually it gives me chills. The good kind. I don’t want to go back there emotionally or mentally to explain what that day brought but I do want to […]

What Will Your Bricks Say?

Emotional walls. We all have them, or we have had them at some point in our lives. Emotional walls are built because we think they will protect us from the pain and shame that comes from either choices we make or choices that were made by others that affect us. Recently I was having a […]

Last Night I Ate A Canoli

September is a tough month. I miss my mom. I miss so many things about who she was, her teaching, her love, and her grace. She was an amazing woman whose life touched the lives of men and women around the world. Five years ago she died after developing a brain tumor. Her battle was, […]

Continuing to Hope

Life is funny sometimes. Just when you think you have it all figured out and know where you want to go something comes along and throws a wrench (or in this case a rose) into it. I had my life figured out. I was going to be alone and I was going to like it. […]

What Can I Learn

Some days it hits me hard and I look around for something to tell me this is not real only to find the cold hard truth in the reality. My mom died. It has been five years since her death but some days it feels every bit as painful as the first day I woke […]

Pain becomes a part of you

My sister’s boyfriend died last night. We are all still processing the senselessness of it and I for one am reeling from the reality of the fragility of life. Today is September 10th. Tomorrow marks the day that changed the lives of thousands of Americans with the attacks on the world trade centers, the pentagon […]

Where do you find contentment?

What is contentment? What does it mean to you? In this media heavy – keeping up with the Jones’ society we live in it is hard to find someone who is a true example of contentment. For the purpose of this post I googled the word contentment and came up with all sorts of definitions […]

My Help Comes From You

One of the things I say over and over again is that Life Isn’t Fair. Today I spent some time in prayer for two individuals. One of which I don’t know and will likely never actually meet his family but I, along with a number of other Christ followers were asked to pray for this […]

Where do you store your treasures?

These past couple of weeks I have been going through the stuff I have accumulated in my house with the intent of getting rid of the things I do not need. Wow what a job this has been. I look around and wonder how in the world I have accumulated so much stuff.  Some of […]

The world is not tilting

I am not exactly sure what is going on with me, what is happening in my head. I feel very lost right now and it is quite un-nerving. Sure there are a lot of changes going on in my life at this time but they are not – tilt the world on it’s axis – […]

Frustration Brings Discouragement

I am kind of frustrated. Have you ever felt like you just can’t seem to say or do the right thing? Have you ever found yourself in a rut where the person or people you care most about are the same people who you feel are annoyed by your presence? Have you ever felt like […]

Expectations Breed Resentment

Expectations are not necessarily a bad thing. There is such a thing as good and realistic expectations. I have expectations, for example, I expect the chair I am sitting in not to collapse. I expect time to continue moving forward. I expect to receive a paycheck at the end of the week. I expect my kids to […]

Dad your unsung hero

“A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.” This statement was made by Billy Graham. I don’t know when, and I don’t know the context in which it was said, but what I do know is that these words are absolutely […]

Healing Brings Insecurity

Relationships are hard. They bring uncertainty, joy, frustration, happiness, insecurity, security, hope and futility. For someone who has a history of pain in relationships these low points can cause emotions to spring up that can be paralyzing.  Sometimes those emotions are a very real reaction to a situation that hurts and sometimes they are a […]

Do You Suffer Well?

Being a single adult in our society has both its upsides and its downsides. There is a freedom in friendships and relationships that allows for a broad spreading of wings and learning about what characteristics you are compatible with, what you find attractive and what you want to shy away from. Having many friends of […]

My Brother For A Lifetime

We have all heard the phrase “people come into your life for reason, a season or a lifetime.” But what is interesting is that when people come into your life you don’t know if they are one of those who are here for a little while or if they will be one of the precious […]

Healing Brings Fear

I finally made an appointment with a therapist. Part of me refuses to believe I need it. I mean I am doing much better, my outlook is positive, most of the darkness is gone from my thoughts. I can come up with a hundred reasons why I don’t really need therapy and they are all good […]

The Plague In My Head

For those of us who have been through difficulties, whether it was one traumatic event, a series of traumatic events or years of fear and uncertainty, there comes a deeper recognition of the struggles of those around us. They may not be very good at hiding the pain or they may have most everyone fooled, […]

My Last Mothers Day

Sunday May 10th 2015 is the last mother’s day that I will be ‘just mom’. It is a strange feeling yet also very exciting. From the moment I learned I was pregnant my life changed forever. In May of 1993 my daughter was born and with her came joys, fears, love and experiences I never […]

What is going on in Baltimore

Watching the events unfold in Baltimore and seeing the total lack of regard for authority, property and peaceful communication that the young men (primarily men and boys) have shown, sadly, is nothing new. With the Ferguson riots and the organized protests across the country that were intended to be peaceful but ended with violence and […]