Deciding to be Fine

How am I?
I am deciding to be fine. I have painstakingly climbed into the attic where I was storing my emotional armour and have donned the protective layer that will once again allow me to shut off my heart, my feelings, my love and close the doors and latch the windows that constantly betray me by allowing hurt inside. I have decided that these past years of trying were long enough and now it is time to crawl beneath the safety of my chainmail and remember that I am the only one who won’t cause that whole-body-gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain that has been far too frequently visiting my once blissfully happy and content life. I don’t get a fairytale ending. I don’t get a happily ever after and I have to lock the doors and close off to that hopeless hope because that is all it is. Hopeless.
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